Caution: High levels of sass. Read at your own peril!
Everybody has introductory questions
they hate. You know the ones: in college it's “What’s your major?” and for nomads
it’s “Where are you from?” The same goes for writers, though annoyance is not
limited to first-time conversations. Below are some sure questions and
statements to irritate your writer friends/acquaintances:
“What’s
your story about?”
This is one of my pet peeves. It’s almost like the
equivalent of asking somebody what his/her life is about. How do you put all
that in one or two sentences? Writers (at least writers like myself) are
generally thinkers and may require time to think over an answer like this. So
don’t be surprised if I give out two completely different answers for the same
story on the spot to two different people. Unless you are an editor/agent/publisher,
please don’t ask this question.
Some alternate questions that writers don’t mind
answering: “What genre is your story? Who is your target audience? Can you
tell me about your protagonist? What’s the setting?” Etc. Go specific! Writers enjoy this kind of stuff.
“Oh!
So it’s like [insert TV show/movie here]?”
If this is a follow up to question 1, the writer is likely irritated
already. This question just makes it worse. As a writer, I already tend to over
criticize and compare my half-finished work to something well-edited and
successful. The above comment might not only make such a comparison but implies
plagiarism on the writer’s part. (See
The Greatest Literary Thieves.)
Alternate questions: “Where do you get your
inspiration from?” Inspiration doesn’t imply that the writer is a plagiarizer.
“You
should do [insert plot element] next!”
Are you the writer of this story?
No? Then feel free to write your own story.! While writers enjoy honest feedback, they
don’t want people telling them how to write their book. Of course, writer’s
still enjoy brainstorming plot elements. If they ask to brainstorm, you can
throw in some ideas, but other times writers need to talk at you. If an idea
isn’t plausible, let him/her know, but usually writers stumble upon epiphanies
even if it sounds like utter nonsense to you.
Alternate
phrases: “What do you think of [insert plot element]?” If the writer
responds negatively, drop the subject.
“I’m
writing a story about [insert complete synopsis].”
This
one is tricky. It’s not that writers don’t want to hear about your story, but
if you just met, or if the conversation just started, this might not be the
time to add this. A general tip: don’t smother the writer, especially if the
writer is an introvert. This might be the first time in who-knows-how-long
she/he is talking aloud. Allow him/her to voice his or her thoughts.
If a writer asks you about your story, take it as compliment.
Writers can make some of the best listeners. This isn’t to say that the writer
should dominate the conversation. This principle of listening goes both ways.
Remember:
Listen as much as you speak.
“Would
you consider writing my life story?”
Not always phrased like this, but it’s pretty close. If a
writer specializes in young adult fiction or poetry, they might not be
interested. Just as there are different types of sports, there are different
styles of writing. Writers may not specialize in all of them.
Alternate questions: “Do you enjoy/would you consider
writing nonfiction?” If the answer is “yes,” you might consider building up to
the main question.
“What
do you mean you’re rewriting your book?”
This question implies that writers should always get it
correct the first time and if they don’t, they’ve failed. This is simply not
true! Writers may go through several drafts before they get it right, much less
the way they like it.
Remember: Every writer is different. Some may work at
a different pace or with a different system than others. Even every story is different. The same
writer may come out with several drafts for one story, but get another nearly correct
the first time.
“Writing
doesn’t pay.”
Correction: writing doesn’t pay well. But it can pay. And
it’s not about the money. It’s about the expression through words and
imagination.
Alternative phrases: “You must be a brave soul.”
Okay, now I’m getting a little dramatic, but you get the picture. If you want a
writer as a friend, don’t poke him/her in the eye.
***
Readers, what are your thoughts on this? Writers,
what would you add to this list?